Today my first book drops. It has been such a long road pulling this book together that you must pardon me as I nervously drink my coffee in the morning hours to realize with knots tied in my stomach that people will actually read this thing. And the people that read it will have opinions about what I wrote.
This is not an uncommon place for me to be standing – exposed, a little scared, but thrilled at the same time. It feels like opening night of a show, the audience laced with critics that will either love my performance or hate it. But the scared feeling, that out of my control feeling, is what I’m paying attention to right now because it’s letting me know I’m on the right track.
Being safe doesn’t thrill me. And telling my story is not a safe place to be. For a perfectionist like me, to share with you every way that I have been so far from perfect and so on the wrong path at times in my life, this is daring stuff. But the hope in writing this book was that maybe, it might help someone else in some way. It has already helped me.
Going back and recounting what drove me to a place that hot yoga seemed like a good idea was therapeutic in a way that I feel like any kinks from my past have been taken out, looked at, and now are where they deserve to be – in the past. As I read through the final drafts of my book, the story seemed very removed from my own story. It simply felt like a book I had read before, when it was, actually, a story that is uniquely my own.
But going back to that scared and vulnerable feeling, I decided a long time ago that I like it. Nothing is going to be achieved by staying safe. You are never going to get into the splits in Standing Bow Pulling Pose if you don’t dare to bring the body down just a little bit more and maybe fall out of the posture gracefully, and some days not so gracefully, a few million times. In order to have your dreams come true, you have to be daring and vulnerable and take a chance.
So, I hope that this week, whatever your dreams might be, that you dare to go after them. It’s not achieved in one giant step, but a steady stream of baby steps in the right direction. If you feel uncomfortable, or even a bit vulnerable, embrace that feeling. You are living. You are breaking past boundaries that have been set up in your mind and your body, by the thoughts you have been trained to think since you were born. These thoughts were heavily influenced by society and other’s fears, and are not You.
I will tell you that the day the first proof of my book arrived on my doorstep was one of the best days of my life. Here was something that for years was not a tangible thing. It was words on a screen and thoughts in my head and now here it was, sitting on my coffee table. I could pick it up and flip through it.
And I know that whatever you are dreaming about can also have its day where you can see it and touch it, where it no longer doesn’t exist, but is fully embodied in this world. Go after it. Even if it will take years or decades. The time will pass anyway.