It’s over. I’m breaking up with you. It’s not me, it’s you. You don’t do much for me physically, and you’re so empty inside.
I found out that the rumors and gossip are true when I watched the video that you didn’t want me to see.
After that, I read about all the things you were doing behind my back, Sugar Blues.
At first, I turned to your adopted cousins: Equal, Nutrasweet, Splenda, and Sweet ’n Low for comfort. But I found out they behaved as badly as you, maybe even worse.
As sweet as you can be, I’ll never be jealous when I see you with someone else.
My friends — like my teeth, bones, and immune system — never liked you anyway.
Please don’t bother showing up at our usual places. I’ve moved on to more sincere relationships. Because unlike you, raw honey, coconut sugar and pure maple syrup, aren’t as empty inside. And they don’t spike my insulin like you do.
Thanks for coming to my birthday parties and all the other times we hung out, but I’m not sugar coating things any more. It’s time for me to say goodbye, you sweet thing.
No Longer Yours Truly,
This article was contributed by Jane Hill – fierce Bikram Yogi, lover of all things natural, and my best yoga buddy. Look for more articles by Jane in the Off the Mat Chats section of Views From the Podium!