The Virtues of Vodka

shutterstock_91470299Meet my friend named Ketel One

Hell help you everyday

From shining things you wouldnt think

To making bad stuff go away 

Hell protect your plants

And hack your weeds

Even make your own Febreze

Hell do your hair

And clean your skin

In such a special way 

Then freshen your clothes

And bathe your toes

Hell make you look so cute 

All these things hell do for you

And thats an Absolut!

Why having vodka on your face, in your hair, and all over your clothes is actually good for you

If you occasionally enjoy an adult beverage, you might already have some extra vodka on hand. If not, buy the cheapest vodka you can find.

Vodka possesses valuable antiseptic and antibiotic qualities. It helps to disinfect wounds and works as an effective cleaning agent.

I prefer vodka in place of chemicals and the potential toxic effects associated with rubbing alcohol.

Here are some uses for vodka that will actually enhance your appearance:

Clarifying Shampoo – Vodka is a great addition to your regular bottle of shampoo. It will clarify and prevent/remove product build-up and help with any dandruff issues. It will also lower the pH of your hair which keeps the follicles closed.

Add a shot glass of vodka to your shampoo bottle, mix it up, and shampoo as normal. For super clean, super soft, and ultra shiny hair, do this once a week.

Conditioner – Do the same as above. Adding a shot glass of vodka to your conditioner will help to de-frizz your lovely locks, leaving your hair sparkly and shiny.

Facial Toner/Astringent – A dab of vodka on a cotton ball will clean and tighten your pores.

Face and Body Scrub – Try this amazing skin scrub that uses only 3 ingredients: vodka, baking soda, and coconut oil.

What you need:

  • The cheapest bottle of triple distilled vodka you can find.
  • Baking soda (not baking powder).
  • Coconut Oil

What to do:

  • Mix enough vodka and baking soda together until you
    get the consistency of a paste or putty and bring into the shower with you
  • Rinse off in the shower and then turn off the water.
  • With a washcloth or sponge, scrub your entire body and face with this paste.
  • Then take a generous amount of coconut oil in the palm of your hand and rub over your whole body and face.
  • Turn the shower back on and rinse everything off, leaving any remaining oil as a moisturizer.


That’s it.

This will help take the workload off your other organs as your skin will be clean and better able to remove toxins.

Do this everyday for 1-2 weeks to start, and then 2-3 times per week.

This is my favorite! And, if you’re willing to try any of these, give this one a go!

Vodka Perfume – Put a little bit of vodka and your choice of essential oils together and you’ve got a custom made, all natural perfume.

High-Octane Mouthwash – Don’t want the chemicals from conventional mouthwash? Combine vodka with a few drops of spearmint, peppermint, cinnamon, or tea tree oil, and let it sit for two weeks. Then use as you would any mouthwash.

Got a Cold Sore? Dip a Q-Tip in a bit of vodka and dab on the cold sore. Do this daily until it goes away.

Soothe a Sore Throat – Put a tablespoon of vodka in warm water and gargle.

The Vodka Cleantini

Safe Sanitizer – Make your own natural hand sanitizer without harmful antimicrobial chemicals.


  • 2 oz vodka
  • 4-5 drops of the essential oil of your choice such as tree oil or eucalyptus, or a combination
  • 2 teaspoons organic witch hazel

Mix well and pour into a reusable squeezy bottle.

Razor Sharp – To prolong the life of your razor, soak it in a glass of vodka after shaving. This will also disinfect it and prevent it from rusting.

Disinfectant – The alcohol in vodka makes for a powerful disinfectant and degreaser. Use on countertops, light switches, door knobs, and/or any place where germs and bacteria may be.

Make your own Febreze – Spray undiluted vodka in the air to freshen up any room.

Spray it on furniture and clothing to remove unwanted odors, including cigarette smoke.

Wine and other Stains – Just add a little more alcohol to your red wine stains and the stain comes right out. This also works for lipstick, grass, ink, and oil stains.

Vomit Stains – I haven’t had the opportunity to try this yet, but apparently vodka will take care of this! Good to know if needed. Perhaps you will find the need to try this first and then you can let me know. : )

Clean and Polish – Use vodka to clean and shine chrome, glass, and porcelain bathroom fixtures, as well as mirrors and countertops. Spray undiluted. This will clean and disinfect those areas, streak-free.

Mold and Mildew Buster – Spray undiluted vodka on the tiles and caulking in your bathroom to kill mold and mildew. This will remove soap scum too. Leave it on for about 5 minutes and then rinse.

Polish your Jewelry and Cutlery – Soak your jewelry and cutlery in undiluted vodka or a solution of 50/50 vodka to water for a natural way to clean your jewels, knives and forks. (Do not use on pearls though)


Last Call Shaken Not Stirred

Looking for a chemical-free essential oil diffuser? Here are a few versions that won’t leave your room with a toxic fragrance.

Fresh Flowers that Last Longer – A few drops of vodka and a teaspoon of sugar in the water of fresh-cut flowers will keep them looking fresher longer. Change every other day.

Shiny Chandelier – Clean your chandelier where it hangs! Mix equal parts vodka and water and spray your chandelier. Catch the drips with a cloth or paper towels placed on the floor underneath.

Weed Wacker – Spraying weeds with vodka will help eliminate them.

Plant Protector – To keep aphids off your indoor plants, dab the plant leaves with a cotton ball dipped in vodka. (Do not use on delicate plants)

Rusty Screws? Put the screws in a glass of vodka, leave for a few hours, and the rust should wipe right off.

Stinky Feet? Soak them in vodka!

Funky Smelling Shoes? Spray vodka in your shoes and let them dry. Magic!

Ice Pack – Put equal parts vodka and water in a resealable bag and keep in your freezer. The vodka will prevent the contents from freezing completely, giving you a slushy, pliable ice pack.

Perfect Pie Crust – I’m not this domestic! But master chefs add ice cold vodka as the secret ingredient in making the most flakiest pie crust. Here is the recipe, if you’re inclined. The vodka will evaporate, leaving no mention of moonshine.

Thats the Spirit!

Don’t worry, doing any or all of the above won’t leave you smelling like you just left a saloon. The aroma of vodka dissipates quickly.

There are also quite a few medicinal uses for vodka floating around the web, if you’re interested. I didn’t include them here as I’m not a doctor, just someone with leftover vodka!

Of course if all else fails, turn the bottle upside down and drink it!



If you enjoyed this Off the Mat Chats Article you might also enjoy reading:

26 Uses for Coconut Oil & 2 Recipes

Splish! Splash! I Was Takin’ a Bath!

Bee Inspired: 10 Healthy Uses for Raw Honey


This article was contributed by Jane Hill – fierce Bikram Yogi, lover of all things natural, and my best yoga buddy. Look for more articles by Jane in the Off the Mat Chats section of Views From the Podium! 

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